How to Support Intimate Partner / Domestic Violence Survivors
With October being National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, it's a perfect time to remind ourselves how prevalent the problem of abuse is. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, an average of 24 people every minute are victims of sexual assault, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner. That's 12-million women and men every year in the U.S. alone.
As a friend, family member, or someone concerned about helping survivors heal and thrive, there are positive, supportive actions you can take to help a domestic violence survivor.
Let's talk about ways to help:
1. Listen Without Judgment
One of the most powerful things you can do is simply listen.
Avoid judgemental questions such as:
"Why didn't you leave sooner?"
"Why did you stay?"
Voice supporting words such as::
"I believe you."
"What happened is not your fault."
"I'm here for you."
Avoid statements such as, "I know how you feel". Even if you are a survivor yourself, someone else's experience is their's.
2. Respect Their Choices
Leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous and daunting. Survivors often face financial, emotional, legal, and safety barriers. The situation can be even more challenging if children are involved.
As a supporter and advocate, your role does not include making decisions for a survivor. Be an active listener; ask questions that help a survivor sort out conflicting emotions and ways forward. If it's appropriate, offer resources but avoid pushing a survivor toward actions they're not yet ready to take.
3. Learn About Domestic Violence
Educating yourself about abuse can help you better understand a survivor's experiences and challenges.
Understanding trauma can also reduce misconceptions and victim-blaming beliefs..
4. Offer Practical Support
Depending on the survivor's needs, practical help could include:
Providing transportation
Assisting with childcare
Helping locate resources
Accompanying them to appointments
Offering a safe place to stay
5. Encourage Professional Support
Therapists, law enforcement agencies, and support organizations can provide specialized guidance and resources. The decision to contact those resources rests with the survivor.
Encouragement should be gentle and empowering rather than pressuring.
6. Be Patient
Healing from trauma takes time.
A survivor may revisit painful memories, struggle with trust, or experience emotional ups and downs. She or he likely needs consistent support and patience.
Moving Forward Together
National Domestic Violence Awareness Month is a time to recognize the resilience of survivors and deepen your understanding of the lasting effects of intimate partner violence. While physical injuries may be visible, emotional wounds of abuse often remain hidden, affecting mental health, relationships, and overall well-being for years.
By listening without judgment, educating yourself, facilitating access to resources, and advocating for trauma-informed care, you can help a survivor feel believed, supported, and empowered to heal.
Domestic Violence Resources
Here are resources that can help you as a caregiver, supporter, or advocate for helping rid your community of abuse:
National Domestic Violance Hotline: https://www.thehotline.orgr:
RAINN: https://rainn.org
National Network to End Domestic Violence: https://nnedv.org
Stephen Carter is a former Chief of Police, police trainer, and stress management practitioner. He's the host of the "Easy Stress Cures", "Energy Healing for Wellbeing", and "EFT Tapping Junction" podcasts.
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